Back For Good
by Emma Jay Bentley
Summary: Follow up to a Fresh Start - dealing with Casey leaving and it's consequences, plus a troubling case that leaves a member of the 1-6 squad in hospital.
1. Chapter 1

**Back for Good**

Chapter 1

_I guess now it's time for me to give up, I feel it's time_

_Got a picture of you beside me_

_Got your lipstick mark still on your coffee cup, oh yeah_

_

* * *

_

"Good you're up." Alex said walking into the apartment that she'd once called her own and parking herself on the sofa before Maddie had a chance to respond. "You will not believe the night I've had." She added before getting up and putting the kettle on.

"Do you realise what time it is?" Maddie asked with a yawn, she was exhausted following a case she'd just finished and she had only really recently fallen asleep. Alex simply looked at the clock before apologising and offering to go. "No, you don't just come around and wake me up then realise the time and go." Alex appeared to think for a moment as the kettle boiled and kept Maddie waiting as she made herself a cup of tea, not bothering to ask Maddie if she wanted one.

"Well," Alex said taking her drink to the sofa and inviting Maddie to join her there, however before the younger woman could sit down her mobile rang. Maddie left to go answer it and returned 5 minutes later fully dressed carrying her shoes and gun. "What you got?" Alex asked knowing it can't have been a social call.

"Body been found, possible link to the case I'm working on." Was the response. "Rain check on the reason you woke me up." Alex nodded and yawned. "Spare room's made up, and you know where things are." Maddie finally said as she grabbed her car keys and made her way out of the door.

* * *

"Unidentified female found at 3.40am." Munch explained as Maddie arrived at the scene to meet him.

"What made them call us?" Maddie asked following him to where the body was found.

"I'm guessing that." Munch replied looking at the markings over the body which had come to be almost familiar. The same series of doodles on the arms and legs of women and men under the age of 21. The fourth body in 4 weeks in the case that was giving SVU headaches, victims were drugged, sexually assaulted and suffocated before being left in back alleys that had no CCTV footage. So far the 1-6 team were really drawing a blank on where to look as none of the victims so far appeared to have any connections.

"I'm not holding out much hope but hopefully the killer left some evidence behind this time." Maddie said with a sigh before going to talk to the person who'd found the body.

* * *

9 hours later the team had managed to track down a name for the latest murder victim. Felicity Pressman, a student at NYU there on a fine arts scholarship. From what Maddie had managed to find out from friends she was very talented and very well liked, just like the previous 3 victims nobody knew of anyone with a reason to hurt her or dislike her.

"Come on! One of these has to have something wrong with them, or something or someone in common. Nobody is that perfect; you can't go through life as a normal person and not make any enemies." Maddie exclaimed in frustration after spending a large part of the afternoon scouring through files on all 4 victims hoping to spot something that they'd missed previously.

"And I thought you were perfect Detective." Alex said with a smile walking into the room carrying a tray of hot drinks and a bag of doughnuts, she guessed her cousin would appreciate the sugar boost.

"Never said I was counsellor. You here for an update because we can't offer much of one." Maddie admitted taking a drink and a large doughnut.

"Actually I came to cash in on the rain check and apologise for waking you up." Maddie rolled her eyes as Alex wasn't known for her apologising. Maddie told her she was listening so Alex went on to explain that she'd ran into an old friend of hers from out of town and they got talking about old times and acquaintances and the DA's office and who was and wasn't working there. Maddie had to suppress a yawn so Alex decided to get straight to the point. "I happen to have a current address of a former ADA who you might happen to know and possibly want to see." Alex sat there in anticipation of a huge thanks or some form of happiness from the younger woman but it never came. The response was simply an 'oh' before the detective returned to the file she was reading. "Gee Alex thanks for telling me that, or thanks Alex for finding this out. What's wrong with you here?" Alex questioned momentarily forgetting that she was in a police station surrounded by detectives who'd cottoned onto what she was talking about.

"I never went anywhere, I'm still here same office, same apartment, even the same phone number Alex. It wasn't my choice in the end and it still isn't now." Maddie responded grabbing her coat and heading out of the office leaving Alex sat at her desk.

* * *

"I thought she'd be pleased given how miserable she's been these past few months." Alex told Olivia as the pair of them sat chatting after Maddie had stormed off.

"You should know better than anyone that Maddie likes to do things her own way, when she's ready she'll make the move. But right now she's hurting." The younger woman reasoned to her blonde friend. "And I hate to say it but she had a point, she's not gone anywhere so why should she have to make the effort." Alex glared at the wise detective but Olivia returned the glare and Alex conceded defeat.

"I just want her to be happy, she deserves that much at least. Given everything she's gone through all I want is to see her happy" Alex said with a sad sigh.

There was a banging on the door, Maddie squinted to take a look at the time and grimaced when she realised it was 4am. Her first thought was that something was wrong with her family but it took a second for her to realise that they'd have rung. Unsure of who it could be she pulled her dressing gown on and made her way to the door ready to give the person waking her up a piece of her mind.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

_Got a fist of pure emotion_

_Got a head of shattered dreams_

_Gotta leave it, gotta leave it all behind now_

* * *

Maddie was in the office working when Olivia and Eliot arrived the next morning, she was wide awake but looked like she'd been sat at her desk all night, which they suspected she had done. When trying to break a case, especially after Casey had left she'd spend more hours than was healthy working, and it showed on her with how tired she seemed.

"And the reason you're where we left you at 10pm last night is?" Eliot asked recalling the time they'd left and seeing her returning with a map after having been gone for several hours following her conversation with Alex.

"This." She responded opening a map of the city out on an empty desk. On it were circles highlighting the locations of all 4 bodies. "They look random but they're not, they're forming a pentagram, or are at least 4 points of them, and if you look at the case files you'll realise that each of the 4 victims represents one of the points and their locations correspond to the points in terms of things in that area." Maddie now appeared to be buzzing with energy and grabbed a whiteboard pen and started drawing on the board to explain her point.

Victim 1: William Mitchell – location found – Aerodrome Avenue

Victim 2: Grace Fortune – location found – Waterside 5th Street

Victim 3: Karl Greggor – location found – Firebridge Way

Victim 4: Felicity Pressman – location found – Earth Square Walk

"So with Air, Water, Fire and Earth already used as locations we can roughly pinpoint where victim number 5 is likely to show up next week." Maddie finished by drawing another 3 circles on the board. "The only thing is there are 3 possible 'Spirit' places in that range, although this one." She said pointing to the top one. "Fits in with the measurements of the rest and for a proper pentagram they need to be exact."

"You should stay up all night more often." Eliot observed as Maddie sat back down, Olivia simply glared at the older man before looking at the younger woman with concern, she really looked like she needed sleep.

"On that note go home and sleep, I don't want to see you until the afternoon," Cragen said emerging from his office; Maddie had already briefed him on her findings overnight. She was about to protest when he told her it was an order so she nodded and collected her things together knowing better than to argue with the older man, leaving Olivia and Eliot to go and find out if any of the victims had a connection to Paganism.

"Maddie make sure you sleep." Olivia said softly walking Maddie out of the office, "You can't solve them all on pure determination."

"I'll use that one on you in the future." Maddie offered a small smile before stepping into the elevator and letting out a big yawn as the doors closed.

* * *

Maddie arrived in her apartment an hour later feeling exhausted and spotted a note on the counter with a big bar of chocolate next to it.

_Look, I know you're still hurting and like to be your own boss in things like this but I'm only trying to help. I interfere because I care, and what's the harm in having an address? Call me when you get this please, I'd have left a message but I know you hate those things. Alex._

Without a moment's hesitation Maddie dialled the number for her cousin and best friend.

"Were you trying to make me sit here feeling guilty or have you only just gotten in?" Alex asked but Maddie knew she was smiling, and the smile got bigger when the younger woman admitted that she was right and having the address wouldn't hurt. Truth be told Maddie had thought about looking for it herself but didn't know where to start; part of her had been scared to start. But now there was an address, one that came from a reliable source, Maddie's question then was what was the next step. "That is where I stop interfering and leave that to you. But right now go to sleep and I'll see you at the 1-6 later." Maddie hung up and headed to her bedroom where she collapsed on her bed totally exhausted.

* * *

Maddie tossed and turned, she kept on hearing explosions, cries, she could smell burning and then above everything was a pentagram in the sky. She woke up with a start and it took her a few moments to remember that she was in her bed in her apartment and not out in a war zone, however as was the norm after a bad dream connected to her time in the Army her leg was aching and stiff. It was psychological and stress related but it didn't make the annoyance at her leg go away. A long hot shower and several painkillers later Maddie was dressed and on her way back to the precinct, even though she'd only been away from it for 2 and a half hours.

* * *

"Victim number 2 practiced Wicca but it was a secret," Fin said to the assembled squad. "Didn't want mummy and daddy knowing." He added.

"And it also seems like our most recent victim had just picked up the craft so to speak," Olivia explained. "And by just I mean less than a week; the roommate had found a book after we spoke to her yesterday about Felicity."

"Victim number 1 had a thing for paganism when he was in high school but there's been nothing since then." Eliot offered and Munch said something similar for the other victims so Cragen ordered them to go and dig further back, visit stores that sold pagan artefacts and research to see if there was any significance of the locations and dates. Maddie arrived at this point to catch the part on research and knew straight away where she could put herself to best use and luckily for her it required a visit to her brother's house as her sister in law's sister used to practice Wicca as a teenager.

"And it's a bonus that you know your brother works from home on a Wednesday too." Alex smiled catching the end of the conversation on her way into the office for an update on the case. Alex also knew that she'd be able to pick her brother's brains on what to do over the predicament she was finding herself in.

"Just leave it Alex." Maddie warned barging past Alex, Alex went to say something but Olivia threw her a look telling her to leave it as she deserved it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Back for Good**

Chapter 3

_Whatever I said, whatever I did _

_I didn't mean it_

_I just want you back for good_

_(Want you back, want you back)_

_I want you back for good_

* * *

Mona Madison smiled as she showed Maddie into the house calling Mitchell to let him know his sister was there.

"Mads what a nice surprise." He smiled coming to give his sister a hug, he took a second to notice how tired she looked but he'd heard about the murders in the news and it didn't take much to put two and two together to realise she was working on it. He was however, shocked to discover the case was what had brought her to his house on a Wednesday afternoon. He left the two ladies discussing paganism and went back to work where he discovered an email from Alex waiting for him.

_Hi Mitch_

_I hope you read this before Maddie leaves in time to do something because I know she won't bring it up without prompting when she's on work business. I got you know who's address and told her but she's not doing anything about it. I know she wants too; she needs to, if I'm honest with how miserable she's been recently. Just prompt her and try to convince her to go and grab this opportunity with both hands. See what you can do and let me know how it goes – although she will guess I've prompted you._

_Alex_

He chuckled at the email, Alex couldn't stop herself at times but he knew she had Maddie's best interests at heart, and she was right, Maddie was getting more and more miserable and going out less, and it wasn't all down the how much more she was working. She was working to escape and it was only making her tired and more miserable. He thought for a moment at how happy Maddie had been whenever she was with or thinking of Casey, the troubles she'd been through seemed to disappear when the older woman was with her, they were almost always smiling when doing something as a pair. There were times he saw his mother in his sister's face, he remembered how happy his mother used to be and how her smile made him feel, he wanted Maddie to feel that way again.

* * *

He emerged from his office under an hour later to find the two women still talking but this time about what to get their step mother for her upcoming birthday. He decided to bite the bullet and come out with what he wanted to say as he wasn't brilliant at subtlety.

"So are you going to act on the address or simply stash it away?" He blurted out and braced himself for the imminent eruption of Mount Maddie. The eruption however never came; she simply sat there and shrugged her shoulders letting him know that she really didn't know what to do. All he could do was promise to support her no matter what she decided, as her big brother his concern was that she was alright, he remembered his promise to their mother that he'd make sure she was alright, and relationships he could support her with – it was the war zones where he struggled. He'd never forget the day his father called him to tell him she'd been injured, he felt his whole world fall apart with a few simple words and he'd never felt as helpless in his life.

* * *

Maddie returned to the 1-6 an hour later still feeling confused over what to do about the address but a lot more clued up on Paganism and the pentagram, and also Mona's sister's telephone number if she had any questions about it. Although Maddie doubted she'd phone the woman, she was a little too strange to deal with whilst sleep deprived.

"Good, now go home and sleep." Olivia said after she'd been updated on Maddie's findings and subsequent conclusions from the research.

"No I'm not tired." Maddie protested but she was exhausted, Olivia could see through the determined exterior and saw how tired the young detective was. Maddie needed sleep but she was also afraid of the nightmares that she knew would come the moment she closed her eyes, but she wasn't ready to admit that to anyone.

"I don't care, you're exhausted which means you're not at 100% and that's what we need on this case if we're to prevent another murder. Just go home." Olivia practically ordered and Maddie had no choice but to do as asked, or rather as told, she knew she'd never win against the elder detective.

* * *

Alex was sat waiting on the sofa when Maddie returned, she'd been emailed by Mitchell and knew that Maddie was confused and unsure of what to do; Alex was there to offer support and advice if it were needed. Maddie sighed as she let herself in and saw Alex sat watching TV, her cousin was one of the last people she wanted to see right there and then because she knew why she'd come. Alex was about to question Maddie on her reluctance to act on the information she'd been given but bit her tongue when she got a good look at the younger woman and saw just how tired she was. Instead of speaking Alex simply pulled her cousin into a strong embrace, she felt Maddie relax in her arms and sat the pair of them down.

"I'm sorry." Alex said, "I just want you to be happy." Maddie sighed before looking at her cousin.

"Why can't you just let me live my own life?" Maddie asked before getting up and walking into her bedroom slamming the door behind her.

* * *

Unsure of exactly what to do Alex remained on the sofa where she eventually fell asleep only to be woken a few hours later by noises coming from Maddie's bedroom. Quickly she ran into the room to find Maddie thrashing around on the bed, she was sweating profusely and was clearly agitated.

"Maddie wake up." Alex said gently placing a hand on her cousin to calm her down. After a few moments Maddie woke up, it took her a few seconds to realise where she was and what had happened. "Do you want to talk about it?" Alex asked worriedly looking at the pained expression on her cousin's face. Maddie shook her head, the last thing she felt like doing was talking, she just wanted the nightmares to stop.


	4. Chapter 4

**Back for Good**

Chapter 4

_Whenever I'm wrong _

_Just tell me the song and I'll sing it_

_You'll be right and understood_

_(Want you back, want you back_

_I want you back for good)_

* * *

"Deep down she's got this deep seated fear that those she loves will eventually leave her," Hillary explained. "Losing her mother at such a young age had an impact that we'll never really understand. The first person she ever loved unconditionally died, then you, her closest cousin and friend went away, and now this situation. No wonder she's having nightmares again." Hillary mused recalling all the occasions Maddie had suffered from nightmares in the past.

"But all I want to do is see her happy." Alex protested.

"Do you remember her as a child?" Hillary asked and Alex nodded. "No, I mean really remember her as a little girl?" Alex nodded even though she wasn't really sure what she was on about. "She was this lost little girl trying to get her head around the fact that she didn't have a mummy anymore yet all of her friends did, it took years for me to get close to her as she was scared. She didn't want to let me in because she was worried that I'd go and leave her again. As Mitch was older he didn't have the same issues but Maddie was so young, she put these walls up that aren't easy to break down and since becoming a detective that wall was broken, and now she's suffering. That's why she's the way she is now. She's started building the wall back up and is terrified of it being demolished only to get hurt again." Alex looked at Hillary like she'd just explained nuclear fission, but it made sense, Maddie made sense and she really understood what the point was.

Alex had called in at her uncle's house first thing in the morning to let them know that Maddie was having nightmares again. Now Alex was starting to realise just how much things impacted on the younger woman.

* * *

Maddie woke up still fully dressed to find a note from Alex telling her to take care and not get too tired on this case. Maddie smiled at the thoughtfulness of her cousin, but was still a little irritated at her persistent interference in her life. Maddie got out of bed and stood up; the pressure going onto her leg caused a sharp pain to shoot through it. She winced and slowly hobbled to the shower. The steaming hot water didn't make a difference to the stiffness or aching so she took 2 strong painkillers and put on her leg support before settling down to have some breakfast. 30 minutes later the painkillers hadn't kicked in but she had to go to work, putting on a brave face she picked up her badge and gun before leaving the flat feeling like someone was shoving a knife into her leg.

* * *

"You ok?" Eliot asked as Maddie entered the room, she looked in pain and he guessed it was her bad leg coupled with the stress of the case. He made a mental note to keep an eye on her during the shift in case she appeared to be in even more pain, although she'd never admit it publically if she was.

"There's a Wicca store on 35th Street which opened about a month before the murders started." Cragen said to the assembled team. "Maddie I want you to go and see if the owner knows something, see if someone has been in asking questions." Maddie nodded and was about to leave before Eliot spoke up.

"I'll go Captain, Maddie'll be best on the research for probable locations." Both Olivia and Maddie threw him a questioning look.

"Maddie, you know what questions to ask." Cragen said and Maddie nodded. "Eliot if you want to be out, you can visit the 'Spirit' locations in the city with Olivia to see if there's been any unusual activity." Eliot nodded and Olivia glared at him, it was cold and she really didn't want to wander the city. She called Eliot on his comment to Cragen and he pulled her to one side to explain that he was somewhat concerned about Maddie; she looked at her and saw what Eliot did.

* * *

6 hours later the 1-6 Detectives realised that they hadn't seen or heard from Maddie since she'd left for the 35th Street Wicca store. Munch called her cell, Fin called her house, Olivia called Alex and Eliot called the store. No response from Maddie or the store and Alex hadn't seen or heard from her all day.

"Eliot and Olivia go to the store and have a look around." Cragen ordered. "Fin go to Maddie's place and see if there's anything, Munch ring around and see if anyone has seen her at all today." Munch nodded and immediately started phoning people.

* * *

The shop was closed when the 2 detectives arrived, they banged on the door and tried to peer through the window but they were all covered up. Olivia had spotted Maddie's car on the way past so they knew she must have been nearby. Eliot's gut told him that something was very wrong; something must have been up for Maddie to have not made it back or contacted them. Olivia called Cragen to tell him what was happening, and he told them to break protocol and get into the shop however they could to have a look. Making their way round the back they managed to find a way in and made their way through the back office to the front of the shop where they found a badly beaten Maddie lying on the ground with her arms and legs tied together, the young woman was awake and in a lot of pain, she started sobbing due to the pain when Olivia pulled her into her arms whilst Eliot radioed for an ambulance and called Cragen to let him know what was going on.

* * *

Cracked ribs, fractured skull and numerous bruises to go with a dislocated knee from where she'd been tied up. They were going to keep her in for a day or two as there was some swelling on her brain that they needed to keep an eye on. Maddie was shaken up but was still able to give a full description of the perp as well as letting them know that there was CCTV in the shop.

"Don't worry about the case, just focus on recovering." Olivia ordered as Maddie rattled of a detailed description of the man who'd assaulted her.

"Exactly what I'll be telling her Detective." A strong male voice said from the doorway, Olivia turned around to find Geoffrey and Hillary Madison with their children Tara and Henry. Two youngsters who since Casey left were the only ones capable of taking Maddie's mind off of work, but after looking at his eldest daughter's face Geoffrey regretting bringing them with him. Her battered state shocked him and he'd seen her when she was in hospital following her accident in the army. He gave his wife a look and she nodded telling the kids the 3 of them should go to the shops to buy their elder sister some sweets. Olivia said goodbye leaving Maddie and her father alone.

* * *

"I would say you look lovely." Geoffrey offered making Maddie smile before tears started falling down her face. She cried like she hadn't done in a long time, Hillary and the kids returned to find him hugging his daughter as she continued to cry.

"Maddie." Tara said crawling onto the bed next to her big sister and giving her a hug, Geoffrey stepped back as Henry crawled onto her other side and Maddie continued to cry. It was heartbreaking for him to see his eldest daughter in such a state and for him to be so helpless in helping her deal with it, there were times she reminded him so much of his first wife it hurt. Alexandra Madison was strong until the last minute, the only time he'd seen her cry when she was dying was the last day she spent with Maddie and Mitchell in the hospital, one child on either side of her sleeping, she'd sobbed constantly for an hour just letting out all her anger and regret. He thought of all the things Alexandra had missed out on, watching Mitchell become a husband and father, Maddie turning into the woman she had done – although he suspected she wouldn't have joined the army had she been alive. In that moment in the hospital room Geoffrey saw his first wife in his daughter, and knew all he could do was be there for her when she needed him.

* * *

"All available officers are looking for him; his face will be plastered across the papers and news." Cragen said, he'd also looked at the CCTV and seen his youngest detective being brutally beaten and struggling to defend herself before she'd been knocked unconscious and tied up. It had been one of the worst things he'd ever seen and he felt so helpless, he was holding off showing it to Eliot and Olivia as he knew how they'd react. He was thankful that Alex wasn't prosecuting the case as he didn't want her to see Maddie being assaulted. He knew that the attorney would never be able to get the images out of her head; he knew he'd be struggling to sleep that evening thinking about it. The only comfort was that she hadn't been sexually assaulted, Cragen however suspected that she would have been had the detectives not found her, although that was something he chose not to pass on to the rest of his team.


	5. Chapter 5

Don't know if anyone's reading but I'm posting anyway.

**Back for Good**

Chapter 5

_Unaware but underlined_

_I figured out this story, it wasn't good_

_But in the corner of my mind, I celebrated glory_

_But that was not to be_

* * *

Alex sat in her car for a while trying to organise her thoughts in her head which was racing, she couldn't believe what had happened to Maddie but was relieved that the outcome hadn't been worse. She'd seen images of the victims and knew what had happened to them, she thanked God that Maddie had been found when she had. There was no doubt in her mind that had she not been found she would have become the 5th victim. The killer would have broken the pattern with her just to get her out of the way. With the knowledge that Maddie was ok and would recover she turned off the engine and got out the car.

* * *

She knocked on the door and waited for it to be answered, she didn't have to wait long, nor was the person opening the door too surprised to see her.

"I wondered how long it'd take for you to turn up here; I heard you'd gotten my address." Casey sighed showing Alex into her home. "So have you come to have a go at me for leaving like I did? Or to remind me how great an attorney you are and how rubbish I am?" Casey folded her arms across her chest and waited for Alex to start.

"Maddie's been attacked." Alex simply stated and Casey sat down in shock.

"Is she ok?" Casey asked worriedly.

"In hospital, she was attacked whilst working a case." Alex was surprised at her reaction, she could tell that Casey was deeply concerned about what had happened and worried about her cousin.

"Oh my god." Casey sighed putting her head in her hands before looking up at Alex.

"I figured you'd want to know." Alex said heading to the door deciding she needed to leave and get back to her cousin. For some reason she struggled to be around the woman who'd upset Maddie so much.

"Thanks." Casey replied following Alex to the door.

"You know, she was hurting before this." Alex suddenly said turning around to face the former ADA. "Each week she's been hurting a little more because there was no news, nothing, so she was working very hard and putting everything into her job because she didn't want to be at home anymore." Casey was about to respond but Alex cut her off reminding her that it was her decision to leave New York and Maddie without a word, how it was her fault that Maddie was having nightmares and didn't trust anyone anymore. Then Alex walked out of the door leaving Casey alone with her thoughts.

* * *

She felt bad for interfering but she couldn't stop herself, seeing Maddie there had shocked her and she needed to do something, going to see Casey was something. Letting Casey know about the beating was a bit of a cruel thing to do but she knew she'd want to know, then Alex couldn't help but start offering some home truths. She knew that Maddie would go mad when she found out but she'd had to do it, and she also knew that Maddie would have done the same had the situations been reversed.

* * *

"Don't think much of the face paint." Alex observed going into Maddie's room where the young woman lay wide awake even though it was the middle of the night.

"Not being funny but you look as crap as I feel." Maddie replied taking in how tired her cousin looked. They both shared a small smile as Alex came and perched on the edge of the bed.

"Well it's been a long day." Alex sighed. "And I wanted to check you were ok before going home." She reached out and took hold of her cousin's hand giving it a gentle squeeze.

"I'll be fine." Maddie replied but Alex didn't believe her, she had considered telling Maddie where she'd been but she knew it would only upset the younger woman and there was no point in making her more uncomfortable than she was.

"I know, you're too tough for your own good at times." Alex sighed. "But that's you, and I'm me who can't help but worry." Alex admitted before Maddie told her to go home, she was tired and needed to sleep. Alex left wondering what Casey was going to do about her visit.

* * *

"Someone spotted matching our attacker's description near the store." Munch said as Olivia entered the office the next morning, he grabbed his gun and she followed the older detective out and to the store. They suspected that he'd return at some point, and had posted someone on the street to keep the place under surveillance. Olivia suspected that the perp had come back to finish what he'd started with Maddie. Eliot and Fin were the first 2 to go in, Munch and Olivia followed. In less than 5 minutes the suspect had been apprehended and placed into the back of a squad car with a bumped head as the officers placed him in there.

* * *

Maddie awoke from a drug induced sleep to find Alex gone and Casey sat in her place asleep, at first she thought she was dreaming, it wouldn't be the first time she'd imagined Casey somewhere since she'd gone. Maddie blamed it on the drugs she'd been given shortly after Alex had left, and closed her eyes for a moment expecting things to be back to normal when she opened them again. Casey was still there and snoring slightly, Maddie smiled a little as the older woman denied that she snored, Maddie once recorded her doing it but Casey vehemently denied it was her, accusing Maddie of downloading the recording. They often bickered about silly things; it was just their way of doing things. Casey couldn't understand how Maddie had to make her bed so precise and iron clothes so neatly; Maddie never got how Casey could live in so much chaos with how untidy her place was. For Maddie it was the structure drilled into her by the Army and she found comfort in the order of her flat, for Casey it was an act of rebellion against her parents who always forced her to keep her room spotless from a young age. They'd managed to reach a happy medium with Casey using a cupboard as her mess space.

"You're awake." Casey smiled spotting that Maddie's eyes were open when she woke up with a stiff neck from sleeping in the chair; she'd gotten in the car 30 minutes after Alex had left her place.

"Your snoring woke me up again." Maddie replied and Casey stated she wasn't snoring. "So who told you I was in here?"

"Alex." Casey admitted, and Maddie rolled her eyes guessing that she should have known that it would have been her cousin to go tell Casey. "Don't bother having a moan at her, she did the right thing, I'd have wanted to know. And when she told me I knew I had to come and see you." She didn't add that it had killed her seeing Maddie lying there battered and bruised, she was awash with guilt at Maddie being injured and she wasn't there to help. But most of all she regretted not saying goodbye. She'd been there in the morning when Maddie had left for work and was gone by the time Maddie arrived home, no message, no nothing, and no contact between them until Casey found herself in the small hospital room asleep in a chair waiting for her to wake up.


	6. Chapter 6

Back for Good

Chapter 6

_In the twist of separation _

_You excelled at being free_

_Can't you find a little room inside for me?_

* * *

Casey showing up really threw Maddie, she was unsure of what to say and how to act around the person who broke her heart by leaving. Part of her was angry at her for going, then part of her was relieved that she was ok and felt enough for her to come to the hospital. When Casey said they needed to talk that morning Maddie didn't know what to do or say so she feigned a headache, playing on the fact that she had a fractured skull to get away with it. Also Maddie didn't want to have such a serious conversation from a hospital bed, she only ever got bad news in hospitals so didn't want to deal with that. She needed to be stronger and not dealing with the after effects of a beating that happened less than 24 hours ago.

"Tomorrow then, the park, our bench at 2pm, I'll bring the coffee." Casey decided standing up to leave, Maddie nodded and didn't say anything; she just lay there trying to read what Casey was thinking. Casey had her game face on which meant Maddie couldn't tell what she was thinking; the face had been put on deliberately because inside the elder woman was a mess. As she stood up Casey placed a soft kiss on Maddie's head, she'd wanted to kiss her earlier but was unsure of what to do, before saying goodbye and hurrying out of the small room leaving Maddie in a state of utter confusion.

* * *

Olivia spotted Casey leaving the hospital room and hurried over to give her friend a hug. She was thrilled to see her and correctly guessed she'd been to see Maddie, and asked how the detective was doing.

"Honestly I don't know; she's not giving much away." Casey admitted, Maddie had been keeping her at arm's length, she'd expected her to push her away when she moved closer but she hadn't done, she'd put up the barrier that she used to keep people out.

"She's had a tough time, emotionally and physically." Olivia offered and Casey nodded before asking if the guy who'd done it had been caught. Olivia let her know he'd been arrested that morning, she was on her way to let Maddie know the good news and hopefully put her mind at ease over it. It looked like they'd found enough evidence to get him for the other 4 murders too. There were diaries and maps pinpointing the murder locations, and the victims had actually all gone into that shop in the lead up to their deaths.

"Well I'll leave you to it; it's good to see you." Casey finished leaving Olivia in the hallway as she quickly exited the hospital. Olivia's comments had given her a bit to think about, 'tough time, physically and emotionally.' Casey too felt tired but she didn't have as many demons as Maddie in her past.

* * *

"Forensics from Maddie's fingernails match the perp – 35 year old Tony Wise, the CCTV footage from the shop not only shows the attack on Maddie as well as all 4 victims going in." Eliot explained to the assembled team that evening. "We think they'd stumbled on the place on the off chance, the victims who no longer practiced Wicca just fancied browsing the place and Wise took a shine to them."

"Maddie's statement matches what the CCTV footage shows." Cragen said, he hadn't let any of the team watch the beating. He knew he'd have a hard job keeping them away from the attacker if one of them saw it. He hoped that the trial wouldn't need it to be shown but he suspected the ADA prosecuting would use it to make the jury feel for the young detective. It would work too, he felt terrible watching the beating, and he also suspected that the ADA they'd brought in for the case would also play on the fact that Maddie was a military veteran who'd been injured defending her country and now she'd been injured whilst protecting the city. They'd be a fool not to use her story to help with the case; he just hoped Maddie was ok with that.

* * *

Maddie made her way into the bar where the team were assembled to celebrate the closing of the case; Alex had driven her after collecting her cousin from the hospital. Alex had so far managed to avoid talking about Casey and her visit, which Olivia had told her about. Maddie knew she was waiting for the prime opportunity, which she suspected would be when she drove her back to her father's house that evening. The team were relieved to have closed the case; however they still had the trail and the ADA prosecuting the case seemed a little anxious about it, even though the 1-6 detectives had practically handed it to them on a plate.

"And we can't forget that the break in the case came from you, well done Mads." Eliot said raising a glass in the direction of the young detective who was drinking cola due to the pain meds she was on. It was whilst Eliot and Alex were at the bar that Olivia decided to intervene on the 'Maddie and Casey situation', she'd seen Maddie had been avoiding the topic with Alex but Olivia was a completely different kettle of fish.

"So what are you going to do about Casey?" Olivia blurted out momentarily surprising Maddie who ended up almost choking on her drink. The younger woman looked at the older detective who was determined to get an answer and she wanted it quickly as Eliot and Alex were now getting served at the bar, "Well?" Olivia asked expectantly. Maddie's only response was to shrug her shoulders and sigh as the others returned with their drinks meaning Olivia couldn't ask again.

* * *

Alex waited until they were halfway back to the Madison house before questioning Maddie on what she was going to do; it wasn't out of nosiness it was out of concern. After her conversation with Hillary Alex had vowed to keep a closer eye on her cousin, and she was damned if she would sit by and watch Maddie get her heart trampled on by the former ADA.

"We're going to talk." Maddie said and Alex had to stop herself from letting out an exasperated sigh. Talking often let Maddie down, it was when she caved in on things. Her younger brother had once done something wrong, and after talking Maddie had gone from being furious to offering to take the youngster out for the day.

"Just remember to think with your head and not your heart, I don't want you to get hurt by her, because I swear, if she does hurt you she'll be needing a new nose and you'll be bailing me out of jail." Alex warned causing Maddie to chuckle. Although she did suspect that Casey would at least get a severe ear bashing from the older woman should she upset or hurt her.


	7. Chapter 7

**Back for Good**

Chapter 7

_Whatever I said, whatever I did _

_I didn't mean it_

_I just want you back for good_

_(Want you back, want you back)_

_I want you back for good_

_

* * *

_

Whenever I'm wrong

_Just tell me the song and I'll sing it_

_You'll be right and understood_

_(Want you back, want you back_

_I want you back for good)_

* * *

Maddie didn't sleep well at all, she dozed off several times only to be woken up with a nightmare, first the attack, then the incident in Afghanistan, then being told Alex had died, along with her dad telling her that her mother had died, and finally she woke up at 5am following a dream which ended with Casey saying 'we need to talk.' She went downstairs to make herself a cup of coffee and found her step mother sat there waiting for the sun to come up.

"You're up early." Hillary observed passing a cup to her step-daughter. Maddie explained that she'd had nightmares and was surprised she hadn't woken them up. "Your dad checked on you after the first but you calmed yourself down." Maddie apologised but Hillary said it was ok, it was understandable for her to be having the nightmares, she just wished Maddie had told them about it so they could do something to help.

"I'm not going back to the therapist because all they do is talk about survivor's guilt and how hard it must have been for me to lose my mum at such a young age." Maddie replied. "I know it's because I'm tired and stressed." She yawned and sat down at the large breakfast bar, it was the house she'd grown up in, the house her father had bought when he married Hillary, the house had been their fresh start as a new family. Even now over 20 years on Maddie still had her own room, Mitchell's however had turned into the guest room several years ago when he'd moved out and gotten married. Maddie had been told that even if she got married and had kids she would always have a bedroom there, even though she'd only slept in it a handful of times over the past few years.

* * *

They ate breakfast as a family before Geoffrey left for work and the kids got dropped off at school by Hillary, who returned to find Maddie sat exactly where they'd left her in the kitchen.

"I know it's none of your business and you've always made it known you weren't going to interfere in my love life or that of any of your children, but right now I'm asking for your advice on mine." Maddie asked as Hillary set about making them both some more coffee. Hillary didn't respond until they both had a large steaming strong cup in front of them.

"The mom in me just wants to see you happy and wants you to do what's going to make you happy." Hillary replied with a sigh. "The other side of thinks the pair of you need to sit and chat properly, you've both got demons and she hurt you by leaving and you need to make sure she's not going to do that again."

"But I left before we'd even begun to date." Maddie explained trying to stick up for Casey; she couldn't stop herself from jumping to her defence.

"Sweetheart you'd just been through a hell of a lot back then and you needed to clear your head. And maybe she needed to do the same thing, but you two were in a relationship when she decided to up sticks and vanish." Hillary advised, all she had was Maddie's best interests at heart. And despite the advice Maddie was still almost clueless on what to do when she met Casey in the park that afternoon.

* * *

"They want to use her in court." Olivia said slamming the phone down and looking at Eliot who didn't need to ask to know what she was on about. Maddie was to be used in court to help the jury find him guilty, the ADA wanted more than the evidence to back up the case and he liked the personal side that Maddie offered him. Like Cragen had said, the decorated soldier who'd been injured again protecting her city.

"And what do they want her to come wearing her army uniform and medals to court or will her police uniform suffice?" A sarcastic voice said from the door and Olivia looked up to find Casey stood there; she'd overheard the tail end of Olivia's phone call and knew what they were on about. And she was fuming about it to say the least demanding to know who the ADA on the case was and rolling her eyes upon hearing the name, she had half a mind to go down to the DA's office and give him a piece of her mind. Olivia sat listening to her tirade with a smile on her face with how worked up Casey was over Maddie being put on the stand, to her it showed that the attorney still felt something for the younger detective. "She doesn't need or deserve that kind of stress."

"I agree which is why I've got Elizabeth Donnelly to step in and take the case," Alex said walking into the room looking at the surprised faces in the room. "I'd take it myself but can't, however Liz like most people who know her has a soft spot for my cousin and I quote 'wants to make sure the sicko gets locked up for life.'" Alex locked eyes with Casey who then excused herself saying she only popped in to say hello and she'd done that. Alex offered to walk her out.

* * *

"That was quite an impassioned plea back there."Alex stated when they were stood outside the precinct.

"I meant it." Casey replied looking Alex square in the eye. "Whilst I've probably caused her more stress and upset than I ever meant to, the last thing I wanted was for Maddie to be put in such a situation. From what I know about the case and you guys you've got all the evidence you need so adding Maddie into the mix won't make any difference to the outcome. And whilst I've got breath in my body I'll fight to make sure she's not made a spectacle of because she doesn't deserve it and I can't allow it." Casey meant every word she said and Alex could see the raw emotion etched across her face. "I've got to go." Casey said going to leave but Alex called her back.

"Just look after her Casey, because if you don't you'll have me to deal with." Alex warned.

"Is that a threat?" Casey challenged looking at the older attorney.

"No Ms Novak, that's a promise." Alex replied before walking off down the street leaving Casey feeling a little bit unsettled as she suspected Alex wasn't jesting with her, she knew how protective the blonde was of her cousin.


	8. Chapter 8

**Thanks to those reading. **

Chapter 8

_And we'll be together, this time is forever_

_We'll be fighting and forever we will be_

_So complete in our love_

_We will never be uncovered again_

* * *

Maddie and Casey were both nervous as they made their way to the park that afternoon. Heading to the bench where they'd spent hours sat talking, reading, or simply watching the world go by on a lazy morning or afternoon. Maddie knew why Casey had chosen that location, it was neutral to the pair of them, it was 'their' place, not Maddie's apartment or Casey's favourite restaurant.

"Hi." Casey smiled holding out a cup of coffee to Maddie who readily accepted it before sitting down gingerly as her ribs were still hurting. She was also walking with a very pronounced limp from the dislocated knee and the aching that was happening as a result of that and the nightmares. "You look good." Casey added and Maddie laughed knowing that she looked a bruised and battered mess. "Look Mads I really don't know what to say aside from the fact that I'm sorry and if I could go back and change things I would in a heartbeat." Casey said hardly looking at Maddie as she couldn't bring herself to do it; she was terrified of seeing the damage she'd done to the younger woman.

"You left, that's what it boils down to here Casey, you left me without a word. We went to bed together, I got up to go to work and left you in bed expecting you to be there at home when I got back. But you weren't Case, you left without saying goodbye. And it crushed me; it felt like my heart had been ripped out. I loved you, I still love you and that's why even looking at you kills me." Maddie said trying to hold off the tears that were forming in her eyes.

"I had to go," Casey put her coffee down and placed her hand on Maddie's and was relieved when she didn't shy away from the contact. "I don't know why but I just needed to leave, I couldn't breathe because I felt guilty for how I lost my job and how understanding you were over it."

"So you left because I didn't overreact to you being fired?" Maddie said standing up and looking Casey in the eye. "Forgive me for being so dense but I don't understand that one."

"You understand me better than anyone; you can read me and know what I'm thinking. I was feeling down and didn't want you to start feeling the same way. The way you were so caring and loving freaked me out and I didn't know what to do for the best, I didn't want to be so dependent on you." Casey now had tears rolling down her face and she didn't really know what to say next or what to do, she looked pleadingly at Maddie's face.

"I love you Casey and you hurt me by leaving, and I'm scared that if I let you in again you'll abandon me just like everyone else I've loved has." Maddie admitted sitting back down but maintaining eye contact with Casey. "I can't let you in only to leave, even if I love you. I can't go through that again, I'm not the one with the issues here you are." She was willing to love Casey and keep on loving her, she wanted to look after her and be there with her every step of the way, job or no job. Casey was the one with the commitment problem, she'd run when things got too serious. Maddie was willing to take care of her but she no longer had the strength for it to be a one way street, she still needed someone to take care of her from time to time. Finishing the conversation Maddie stood up to leave but Casey stopped her.

"Is that is, is this us done?" Casey asked wiping her eyes with the hand that wasn't placed on Maddie's shoulder.

"That's your call Case, my cards are on the table. I love you and want to be with you, but I don't want to be constantly worrying that me loving you will end up with you disappearing on me again." Maddie replied speaking directly from the heart. "You know where to find me when you decide exactly what it is you want." Maddie gave her one final look before walking off down the path, leaving Casey sat sobbing on the bench.

_

* * *

_

Whatever I said, whatever I did

_I didn't mean it_

_I just want you back for good_

_(Want you back, want you back)_

_I want you back for good_

* * *

Maddie had tears falling down her cheeks as she entered her apartment; she wasn't surprised to find Alex sat there waiting for her. Straight away Alex got up and pulled her cousin into a big hug and not saying a word she led them both to the main bedroom, and she laid there with her cousin holding her and letting her know that she wasn't on her own.

"It was just so hard seeing her and being so close to her." Maddie sobbed, "And I'm probably going to kick myself for walking away from her but I had too." Alex was slightly confused but didn't say anything, Maddie told her exactly what had gone on, she was more than her cousin she was her best friend. Alex was gutted for Maddie that she'd walked away from Casey; however she was secretly pleased that she was strong enough to do it without begging her to come back. She knew how strongly Maddie felt for Casey, how she'd taken Casey into her heart and had fallen deeply for her in a short space of time. Whenever Maddie loved someone she loved them with every fibre of her being and would do anything to protect them, the way she protected her family and friends. She didn't want to let them down or see the people she loved suffering. "But she has to decide for herself and I just have to be able to live with that decision, however much it hurts."

"She'll be the one to miss out in this sweetie, not you." Alex comforted as Maddie's body continued to shudder with sobs. The young woman eventually fell asleep leaving Alex to get up and go to make a few phone calls.

Everything was fine in the office but Alex texted Olivia to see if she could check on Casey. She felt like she needed to make sure the other woman was ok, she was so important to Maddie Alex felt a little responsibility for her.

_Check on Casey, this afternoon was rough. – _Alex texted

_She was here a while ago, she'd been crying. I actually felt sorry for her; she said she has a lot of thinking to do. _– Olivia replied.

_I just hope she chooses wisely, this has really messed M up. Will call later. A._

* * *

Alex sat there watching TV and was dozing when Maddie got up, Alex couldn't help but notice how badly the detective was limping. There were also tears streaming down her face from the pain, something wasn't right with the younger woman and it was more than just the emotional turmoil that she was in the middle of dealing with. Alex took one look at her cousin and told her they were going to the hospital, and for the first time ever Maddie didn't argue about it as she was in too much pain. Her only response was a sad childlike nod.

* * *

Alex was furious with the hospital and threatening to sue the doctor who'd first treated Maddie following her attack for negligence. She eventually calmed down when the nurses threatened to call security and have her removed. The reason she was so angry was the reason Maddie was back in surgery, where her leg had been dislocated the doctor who'd examined her when she was first brought in had only looked at the dislocation on the X-ray. Maddie's excessive pain was a result of there being a break just above the knee, and this was her injured leg which meant it was weaker anyway.

"So more surgery?" Maddie asked the surgeon who'd come to talk over the damage and had informed Maddie that she'd need a pin inserting into the top of her leg to help fuse the bone back together. She was unhappy but hoped it'd help her more in the long run, although she wasn't thrilled about having to spend several months on desk duty after the operation and her return to work.

"You better sort this out otherwise you'll be facing a lawsuit so fast you won't know what to do with the paperwork." Alex threatened and Maddie warned her to calm down.

"I'm already trying to cope without Casey I can't not have you here too." Maddie said again with tears in her eyes. That was all it took for Alex to calm down, she didn't want to be responsible for making Maddie even more upset and she hated seeing her crying. Reaching out to place a hand on her now sobbing cousin's shoulder she turned and spoke calmly to the doctor who she'd shouted at less than a minute ago.


	9. Chapter 9

**Back for Good**

Chapter 9

_Whenever I'm wrong _

_Just tell me the song and I'll sing it_

_You'll be right and understood_

_(Want you back, want you back_

_I want you back for good)_

* * *

4 weeks later.

Maddie hated crutches; she'd spent so long on them following her accident she once swore to stick them up someone's backside if they ever presented her with any again. But here she was back on them for the next 3 months whilst her leg healed, she wasn't allowed to put any unnecessary weight on it and as a result had been forced to move in with her parents so she didn't have to do as much for herself. She wasn't allowed back to work for another 2 weeks but the case against Tony Wise was progressing rapidly; Donnelly pulling a few strings had gotten the case to court a lot quicker than it normally would have. Maddie hoped that once Wise was behind bars properly her nightmares would ease, either that or she'd have to go back to counselling again which she wanted even less than the crutches that now went everywhere with her. She seriously doubted that counselling would work with her, some people responded to it but Maddie wasn't one of those people.

But worse than all of that was the fact that she hadn't heard from Casey since that day in the park. She'd expected to hear something but she hadn't, even a rejection letter would have been better than the not knowing. Had she been allowed to drive she'd have driven to where she knew Casey to be residing at present, but deep down she knew the ultimate decision rested with the attorney. She just hoped it didn't take Casey too much longer to reach her decision.

* * *

"Guilty with life imprisonment." Elizabeth Donnelly told Alex a few weeks later; Alex was relieved and couldn't wait to tell Maddie the outcome of the trial. Alex owed Liz big time for taking the case herself rather than the ADA that was initially working on it, luckily for her Liz thought a lot for the young detective and loved her way of dealing with people involved with Special Victims, she had a way of making people feel at ease even in the most difficult situations. When Alex had asked her for the personal favour she didn't hesitate to say yes, she'd have said yes had any of the 1-6 detectives asked her to do it. She'd even been visited by the former SVU ADA to ask her not to place Maddie on the stand, as Alex was about to leave Liz told her what Casey had done as she knew it mattered to her.

"For what it's worth I think that Casey loves Maddie as much as Maddie loves her." Liz offered.

"Thanks. For everything." Alex said before she left to go give Maddie the news, and Liz took the time to make a call to let Casey know as she knew that the attorney would want to know.

* * *

Alex and Olivia couldn't help but laugh as they entered the Madison household and spotted Maddie asleep on the sofa with marker pen all over her face. Alex quickly took a photo with her phone to use as ammunition against the younger woman at some point in the future, unfortunately the noise the phone made taking the picture woke up the sleeping detective.

"Oy Cabot don't even think about it." Maddie warned and Alex showed her the picture, she chuckled at the markings on her face and vowed to get even with her younger brother and sister, "So why are you two here?" Maddie asked even though she knew the verdict was due.

"He got life." Alex simply stated and Maddie closed her eyes and leaned back on the couch with a sigh of relief, she suddenly appeared much younger than she had done when they arrived, and she was clearly exhausted. There'd been a fear in Maddie whilst the trial had been taking place that he'd get off and finish the job he'd started. Most recently her nightmares had started showing her like the Wicca victims, instead of being in a war torn country the scene was Manhattan and the streets within it. She hadn't told anyone about the nightmares as she suspected they'd worry or at least say she was mental.

"So come on Miss Do-little get upstairs and get changed into My Fair Lady because we're taking you out to celebrate." Olivia smiled brightly knowing she was playing with fire by making jokes around Maddie's name, they'd decided to have a girl's night to try and cheer the young detective up as they knew she was still thinking about Casey every third second.

"You'll pay for that Benson." Maddie warned allowing Olivia to help her off of the couch and Alex to help her upstairs.

* * *

Dressed up as best she could with metal sticking out of her leg, dark circles under her eyes and two irritating crutches Maddie left for a night on the tiles with her friend and cousin. Maddie planned on making the most of not having to worry about driving home and work the next morning by downing several alcoholic drinks, the only down side of that meant no pain killers but she hoped the booze would settle for that. Four bottles of wine and 8 shots later Maddie was starting to feel a lot better, or rather she was finding more things amusing and was intent on counting salt grains which were on the table. Then as usual for a girls night the topic of conversation turned to relationships and Alex started talking about her latest guy and what they liked about being in relationships.

"For me it's the company, knowing that someone's there." Olivia mused as Maddie stopped playing with the salt pot that was on the table and started paying more attention to the conversation.

"Yeah I like that, what about you Mads?" Alex asked in her drunken state not realising how tactless she was being, Madddie could tell she was drunk as she had her goofy smile on.

"Sunday mornings," Maddie smiled drifting into her own memory, "usually the only relaxing morning we got, cases permitting. I'd pop out and get a paper and muffins, Casey made the coffee and we'd lay in bed reading the paper listening to the radio, those mornings it was like we were the only two people in the world. Or even going shopping after work, just wandering around the stores trying to decide what to have for dinner. I'd never tell her but I even miss her snoring, I think that's why I've not slept properly since she left." Maddie added with a chuckle and the others immediately regretted the topic of conversation, Alex sobering up quickly at her cousin's words. Olivia went to apologise but Maddie stopped her saying that it was ok, talking helped and the feelings were better talked about than locked inside.

"Ok, ok, new topic." Alex started trying to cheer everyone up again. "Best drunken escapade." She ended the sentence with a shot which Olivia and Maddie also downed.

* * *

It was the early hours of the morning when the trio made their way out of the bar into the New York night which was cold but the sky was full of stars. Maddie was struggling to walk on her crutches with the amount of alcohol she'd consumed and realised there was no way she could go back to her father's in such a state, he'd lecture her on the dangers of drinking and painkillers and Hillary would try not to laugh at her inebriated state before talking about the tablets.

Maddie got into the cab and gave her own address and fumbled with the keys into her apartment where she promptly collapsed on the couch knowing full well she'd wake up in the morning with a raging hangover but she wasn't in any state to get back up again for a glass of water, and for once she didn't care as she was more bothered about the alcohol hopefully keeping the nightmares away.

* * *

Banging, crashing, burning with blinding lights and severe heat, sirens blazing, thick string cutting into skin, Wicca symbols floating high in the air and people screaming for help. Maddie woke up on her couch struggling for breath and calling out for help, she screamed when help appeared out of nowhere.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

_Whatever I said, whatever I did _

_I didn't mean it_

_I just want you back for good_

_(Want you back, want you back)_

_I want you back for good_

* * *

"Calm down, it's only me." Casey said placing one hand on Maddie's shoulder and the other on her knee as she kneeled down facing the brunette, the older woman looked worried and like she'd just woken up – which she obviously had been.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Maddie panted trying to get her breath back but she was struggling to do so.

"I came back, I wanted to have a look at the place and I fell asleep, then I heard you shouting out for help." Casey tried to explain. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you, but I couldn't leave you like that." Casey added and Maddie nodded finally beginning to get her breath back.

"It's ok; you surprised me that's all." Maddie admitted as Casey sat on the coffee table facing her but she didn't let go of her knee which Maddie was silently grateful for. "I've been out drinking." Maddie felt the need to add but Casey could tell that from how Maddie was dressed and the smell of apple sourz on her breath. "How do I know this isn't the alcohol mixing with the pain meds? Because I've dreamed of you countless times since you left." Maddie asked and Casey replied that she was very much real, and as if to prove it Casey placed her hand under Maddie's chin and made her look into her eyes and for a moment Maddie was lost in them.

"And I'll still be here in the morning, but right now you need to go to sleep – in a bed and we can talk when you wake up." Casey ordered gently helping Maddie up off of the couch and into the bedroom where Casey had been sleeping previously, she'd fallen asleep feeling safe with Maddie's smell all around her, she'd been surprised to find that there was still a picture of the two of them in the bedroom, one of them from a weekend getaway to a spa. She got the younger woman into bed and sat on the edge of it stroking the brunette's hair softly and waited for her to fall asleep before heading to the spare bedroom herself, where she fell into an uneasy sleep listening out for Maddie having another nightmare. Casey hated it when Maddie had them, she'd had them a few times when they'd been together and after the younger woman was always so distraught and exhausted, Casey felt helpless knowing there was little she could do to help.

* * *

It was gone 10am when Maddie emerged from the bedroom dressed in the clothes she'd gone to sleep in and with a pounding hangover, she felt and looked like she'd been run over and dragged through a hedge backwards. The TV was on and there was fresh coffee in the pot, slowly the evening started to come back to her and by the time she reached the kitchen Maddie recalled who helped her get into bed after a nightmare. She turned around when she heard Casey saying good morning.

"Hey." Maddie said as Casey breezed past her to pour them both coffee and pass Maddie some painkillers.

"Good night last night?" Casey asked watching Maddie inhale the coffee's smell and rest herself against the kitchen worktop. Maddie nodded saying she had no hope of keeping up with Olivia and Alex in drinking games before asking her why she was there. "Liz Donnelly called me with the verdict and I just had to come see you."

"You've had a month to decide." Maddie sighed and Casey commented that she'd come and sat outside of the building several times over the last few weeks, wanting to see her but being afraid of what she'd say if she did. "Well you've had all night to think about this so say whatever it is you want to say so I can begin to get over this mess. Because that's what it is Casey – one big, massive, horrible, complicated mess and it's all your doing." Maddie wasn't normally so sharp with her but then again she didn't usually have steaming hangovers coupled with intense leg pain, Maddie turned away from Casey to start rummaging around in the cupboards for some of the pain meds she kept in them.

Casey took a breath and put her coffee down on the counter before speaking. "You win on the hardship, the hurting and the horrendous past, ok you win. But you don't win on how hard this is because I love you so much it hurts," Casey said, her voice was full of emotion, Maddie continued on her quest for tablets eventually finding and taking some with her coffee. "I've regretted walking out so many times." Casey added.

"But you still walked Case!" Maddie slammed her coffee down on the worktop ignoring the fact that it spilled out onto the floor, she no longer cared. "And you didn't come back!" Unable to face being in the same room as the former attorney Maddie headed off into the bedroom slamming the door behind her, not knowing what else to do Casey followed and sat down with her back on the bedroom door.

"I didn't understand or appreciate how much you loved me, for me that was new." Casey said resting her arms on her knees, tears had begun to fall down her face. "I'd stuffed up in the past but nobody had ever stood by me like you, not even my parents and that freaked me out. I needed space to think things over." Casey was being honest as she knew there was no other way of working things out.

"For the best part of a year?" Maddie asked angrily and Casey guessed she was sat with her back to the door on the other side judging by the sound of her voice.

"After going it got harder and harder to come back, but then when you got hurt I couldn't stay away. The thought of something happening to you tore me up inside in ways I can't describe." Casey replied recalling how much it pained her to see Maddie in the hospital bed battered and bruised. "I'll admit I didn't totally know what I wanted." For a moment there was a silence in the flat to the point where the clock in the kitchen could be heard.

"And do you now?" An almost desperate voice asked and the door opened slowly causing Casey to fall back on the floor, her eyes locking onto Maddie's as she breathed out the word 'yes.' "And what's that?" Maddie asked as Casey stood up and faced Maddie, never breaking eye contact, Maddie like her had tears falling down her face.

"You, us, this." Casey replied pointing between the pair of them and around the room.

"And what if you run away again? It'd kill me." Maddie said sadly.

"I promise you, I'm not going anywhere unless it's with you, if you'll have me back?" Casey replied hoping that Maddie wouldn't tell her to leave. Maddie didn't say anything she just leaned in gently and placed a gentle kiss on Casey's lips.

* * *

"So?" Alex asked, Maddie had called in to see her and filled her in on what had happened after she'd returned from the bar and the following morning. Casey had gone back to her place to collect some things and say some goodbyes.

"Slowly, we're going to take it slowly this time, she's moving back to the apartment – in the spare room, and whilst I'm on crutches I'll be at my Dad's so he and Hill can keep an eye on me." Maddie replied, she and Casey had spent a lot of time talking about everything that morning; they'd both done a lot of crying too. Maddie was still confused over everything and needed some time to adjust to things.

"And are you sure this is what you want?" Alex asked reading Maddie's face to make sure she was sure of things and knew what she was doing. Maddie's response was that it made her happy, Casey made her happy, Casey was the one for her and she was sure of it. Alex knew her cousin was right, she had to admit that there was a very special bond between the two women, there'd been fireworks between them ever since they'd worked their first case together a lifetime ago. Munch still loved to tell everyone about how Maddie had terrified Casey one morning by how quiet she was when feeding back about some statements she'd had to collect from Boston, Casey had been wary of the former Sergeant's demeanour but she'd soon managed to get under her skin and into her heart. Alex hoped she stayed there as they both deserved the happiness.


	11. Chapter 11

**Back for Good**

Chapter 11

_Whenever I'm wrong _

_Just tell me the song and I'll sing it_

_You'll be right and understood_

_(Want you back, want you back_

_I want you back for good)_

* * *

3 months later

Maddie was on her way back in to work when she received a phone call from Casey, they'd been on several dates since Casey had returned to Manhattan, the attorney was working for a firm that specialised in corporate law as she'd been recently reinstated by the bar. She was at the bottom of the pecking order again but she wasn't bothered, she was happy being a lawyer again which meant she was happier in general. They were taking things slowly as they didn't want to miss out on anything; they were getting to know each other again and falling in love for the second time.

"Madison." Maddie answered with a smile after checking the ID.

"So hop-along are you free for dinner tonight?" Casey asked using her new nickname for Maddie who was still on crutches; however the metal on the outside of her leg had been removed several weeks earlier.

"Why are you planning on getting me coffee? Because I'm in the mood for a hot chocolate if I'm honest." Maddie smirked recalling Casey's complaint the previous day that she'd spent her first few weeks getting coffee and not practicing law.

"Watch it Madison, I'm bigger than you," Casey warned, "So I'll pick you up at 8?" Maddie agreed asking what to wear and Casey told her to dress 'nice.'

* * *

It was a long and tiring day, Maddie made it back to her father's house at bang on 8pm, which was exactly when Casey pulled up in her car and got out of it looking somewhat stunning in a black dress.

"Sorry." Maddie apologised not taking her eyes off of the older woman.

"It's ok, I can wait, you're worth it." Casey smiled offering her hand to Maddie as they made their way into the Madison home. Casey always felt nervous going into the house, she was a little intimidated by Maddie's father and step-mother, who were kind and frightening at the same time. Her fist time meeting them after returning was in Casey's opinion a terrifying ordeal as Mr Madison had quizzed her constantly on what she'd been doing, where she'd been and what her intentions towards his eldest daughter were. Maddie couldn't stop laughing to begin with, but a pleading look from Casey got her to stop and intervene.

Maddie quickly got dressed in the bathroom while Casey sat on the bed examining the room that had been Maddie's for over 20 years, the brunettes tastes hadn't changed too much, she still liked blue paint and cheesy music. Her appearance hadn't changed too much either, she still had deep brown eyes and a smile that went right to her eyes leaving dimples in her cheeks. A copy of Maddie's favourite photograph still remained in the room, Maddie, Mitchell and their mother Alexandra all in one bed together reading. Casey was always amazed at how much the younger woman looked like her mother, Alex always commented on it.

"So where are we going?" Maddie asked when she was ready to go wearing her comfy going out trousers and burgundy halter neck top. Whilst Casey had gone for stunning Maddie preferred to dress comfortably, but Casey still thought the younger woman looked amazing.

"Di Luchino's." Casey replied naming Maddie's favourite restaurant in the city; Maddie smiled at the news and followed Casey out to the car shouting goodnight to her parents and siblings. They chatted about their day on the way to the restaurant and Casey when they stopped Casey got out and opened the door for the younger woman, they then walked arm in arm and were promptly seated at their table.

* * *

Maddie was amazed at Casey that evening, so attentive and caring; she was making sure everything was perfect. The food, the restaurant, the drive, the conversation were amazing and Maddie hadn't enjoyed herself that much in ages, she was already regretting being taken home at the end of the evening.

"And how are the nightmares?" Casey asked concerned and Maddie shrugged her shoulders, she was still having them, even after spending a session with a therapist – which she'd only done to shut Alex up. "Can you remember what triggered them?" Maddie rolled her eyes at the question wondering why Casey was bringing that up when they were having such a lovely evening but she responded.

"When you left." Was Maddie's reply and Casey flushed with guilt. "Stress manifests itself in many ways you know. It turns out your snoring is actually a comforter, soothed me off to sleep." Maddie sighed reaching out to grab Casey's hand to let her know it was ok, despite what it sounded like she didn't blame it all on Casey. She threw herself into work exhausting herself mentally and physically every day, drinking too much and not eating enough. She should have taken a break but she hadn't, she could have controlled the nightmares herself had she not let herself suffer so much and she told Casey that.

"Maddie I want you to know I want you to be part of my life more than anything," Casey stated giving Maddie's hand a gentle squeeze. "And you are my life, every amazing part of you. I know we can't get those months I cost us back but I promise you I'm not going anywhere again unless it's with you." Casey continued looking Maddie in the eye as she spoke. "So in order to make that happen I, well I." Casey tried to spit out and Maddie went to speak but Casey stopped her standing up, reaching in her handbag and moving around to Maddie's side of the table and grabbing her by the hand. "Eliza Madison will you marry me?" Casey asked dropping to one knee in a very expensive dress and pulling out a box containing two matching diamond rings. "I promise to love you forever, support you always and never leave you." Maddie responded by pulling Casey up into her lap so she was resting on her good leg and giving her a long deep kiss. "So is that a yes?" Casey asked breaking for air wearing a huge smile and sliding one ring on Maddie whilst Maddie placed the other on her ring finger.

* * *

That night Maddie slept for the first time in months without having a nightmare, she felt safe and loved with a pair of strong arms wrapped around her waist. Instead of going back to her parents she and Casey had gone home to their apartment and were curled up in their bed. It was nice, comfortable, something that Maddie never thought she'd feel again after coming home that Tuesday evening to find her gone. The only reassurance she had that it wouldn't happen again was Casey's vow and the ring that now resided on the third finger of her left hand, it was a promise of a future, a promise of love and commitment. It was a promise to keep on trying and never give up, and that along with the gentle snoring noise from the body next to her was enough to make Maddie sleep peacefully again.

* * *

_Oh yeah_

_I guess now it's time_

_That you came back for good._

_THE END!_


End file.
